Run: 1.30 miles in 26:50
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
I suck! This is pointless. I won't score high on the ASVAB and I know it. I got a call today saying I was being considered for an HR Assistant position that I probably won't get anyways.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Day 7
Run: 1.58 miles in 27:36
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
I'm watching Sex and the City on the portable DVD player while I use the treadmill. I'm going to get my series watched and my workouts. Seems like a good idea to me.
I broke down last night. Failing at this seems inevitable which makes me angry all the time. I was feeling so good about it all until that practice ASVAB. I know I just need to keep trying, but it seems pointless.
Sit-ups: 0
Push-ups: 0
I'm watching Sex and the City on the portable DVD player while I use the treadmill. I'm going to get my series watched and my workouts. Seems like a good idea to me.
I broke down last night. Failing at this seems inevitable which makes me angry all the time. I was feeling so good about it all until that practice ASVAB. I know I just need to keep trying, but it seems pointless.
Day 6
Run: 2.23 miles in 45:20
Sit-ups: 1
Push-ups: 1 girlie push-up
My abs hurt from doing 1 sit-up. How sad is that? I'm trying though. I did 1 girlie push-up, but a few almost push-ups, too. It's an improvement I suppose. I've also been working on my math and I'm slowly getting better.
Sit-ups: 1
Push-ups: 1 girlie push-up
My abs hurt from doing 1 sit-up. How sad is that? I'm trying though. I did 1 girlie push-up, but a few almost push-ups, too. It's an improvement I suppose. I've also been working on my math and I'm slowly getting better.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Day 4
I've lost all motivation now that I don't believe I can score high enough on the ASVAB. I mean what's the point in trying if you're just no god at some thing.
Run: 1.22 miles in 20:21
Sit-ups: 1, but did ab workout
Push-ups: .5, but did 5 girl push-ups
I guess I should go study my math now to see if there's hope yet.
Later:
I studied until my brain melted for what god it did me. Apparently, I need to get closer to a 70 not just in the 60s. I got a 56 on the practice test. I'm still going to try, but my hopes are diminishing by the second.
Run: 1.22 miles in 20:21
Sit-ups: 1, but did ab workout
Push-ups: .5, but did 5 girl push-ups
I guess I should go study my math now to see if there's hope yet.
Later:
I studied until my brain melted for what god it did me. Apparently, I need to get closer to a 70 not just in the 60s. I got a 56 on the practice test. I'm still going to try, but my hopes are diminishing by the second.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Day 3
Run: 1.19 miles in 20:20
Sit-ups: 0, abs hurt, but still worked out abs
Push-ups: almost did 1
Used Bowflex to work triceps and hips
Stacy is taking me to see a recruiter today so I can start figuring out what needs to get done. We have to get some kind of waiver in order to be dual career. Stacy's 1SGT also said he knows the Columbia recruiter's 1SGT so if we feel I'm being treated unfairly he'll make a phone call for me.
Doubt is starting to set in like a bad fog. I know I want to do this, but the chicken in me is starting to build a case for the flight part of fight or flight. I'm scared that if I became an officer that I wouldn't be able to do the job, that I'll mess up and be "that person." I want to be good at this, not just another half-witted officer who skates by. That seems so impossible to be good at anything now. I know I'm scared of the uncertainty all this will bring; I just wish I could control that fear better, harness it into something useful.
Later:
So much for becoming an officer. I took a practice ASVAB and completely bombed the math sections. I attempted to practice when I got home only to be even more disappointed in myself. I couldn't do any of the problems. I'll never be able to score high enough to get into OCS. Yet another failure on my part. I can't do anything right. I can't get a job, raise a child, have a healthy marriage. I'm a loser through and through. I'm not smart, never was. I simply deluded myself into thinking I was smart. I'm no better that all the idiot Okies I used to hand around. I'm even worse than them because at least they're happy doing what they do.
Sit-ups: 0, abs hurt, but still worked out abs
Push-ups: almost did 1
Used Bowflex to work triceps and hips
Stacy is taking me to see a recruiter today so I can start figuring out what needs to get done. We have to get some kind of waiver in order to be dual career. Stacy's 1SGT also said he knows the Columbia recruiter's 1SGT so if we feel I'm being treated unfairly he'll make a phone call for me.
Doubt is starting to set in like a bad fog. I know I want to do this, but the chicken in me is starting to build a case for the flight part of fight or flight. I'm scared that if I became an officer that I wouldn't be able to do the job, that I'll mess up and be "that person." I want to be good at this, not just another half-witted officer who skates by. That seems so impossible to be good at anything now. I know I'm scared of the uncertainty all this will bring; I just wish I could control that fear better, harness it into something useful.
Later:
So much for becoming an officer. I took a practice ASVAB and completely bombed the math sections. I attempted to practice when I got home only to be even more disappointed in myself. I couldn't do any of the problems. I'll never be able to score high enough to get into OCS. Yet another failure on my part. I can't do anything right. I can't get a job, raise a child, have a healthy marriage. I'm a loser through and through. I'm not smart, never was. I simply deluded myself into thinking I was smart. I'm no better that all the idiot Okies I used to hand around. I'm even worse than them because at least they're happy doing what they do.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Day 2
Still sucking, but itsy, bitsy imporvement on sit-ups.
Run: 16:53
Sit-ups: 16
Push-ups: 0
I told Stacy I want to do this for sure. I also told him I need his help (which is a monumental deal because I don't ask for help). He showed me the PT scorecard. I have to get up to 20:20 run for 2 miles, 45 sit-ups and 17 push-ups. I can get there, I know I can.
I haven't told my dad I'm doing this. I'm afraid he'll be all negative about it. Of all the people, his negativity is probably what would undo my resolve. I need happy, positive and encouraging words. I can do this!
Later that day...
I don't know if I can do this. I've been over thinking the issue to death; my escape planning behavior is kicking into high gear. I need to do this. I've set my mind on the task and now I just need to stay with it. I've gained so much weight recently and I'm disgusted with myself. I've put on 30 pounds since April, most of it in just the past few months. But I'm bored all day, what am I supposed to do to stay busy and active?
Run: 16:53
Sit-ups: 16
Push-ups: 0
I told Stacy I want to do this for sure. I also told him I need his help (which is a monumental deal because I don't ask for help). He showed me the PT scorecard. I have to get up to 20:20 run for 2 miles, 45 sit-ups and 17 push-ups. I can get there, I know I can.
I haven't told my dad I'm doing this. I'm afraid he'll be all negative about it. Of all the people, his negativity is probably what would undo my resolve. I need happy, positive and encouraging words. I can do this!
Later that day...
I don't know if I can do this. I've been over thinking the issue to death; my escape planning behavior is kicking into high gear. I need to do this. I've set my mind on the task and now I just need to stay with it. I've gained so much weight recently and I'm disgusted with myself. I've put on 30 pounds since April, most of it in just the past few months. But I'm bored all day, what am I supposed to do to stay busy and active?
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